Fifty Shades of ‘Crap’!


fiftyshadescrap2

Everywhere I surfed the internet, all I would hear about is ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ and I wanted to know what all the fuss was about. I listened to what my friends told me and thought BDSM is not my cup of tea. I am certainly not that much into fan-fiction either so I passed on reading the series, although I was given the set on PDF by an HH Chick 😉 (back when I wanted to know what the big damn deal was).  I just could not bring myself to read them.

Then everyone on the net starts carrying on about the book being made into a movie so I am thinking there has to be something to these books. Then people start talking about who should play the lead male character and one of my absolute favorite actors names kept popping up, saying he would be perfect for the role. Of course not everyone agreed, especially my fellow Skars chicks! I decided that I will finally sit down and read these books, when time away from college homework permitted that is.

First off let me start off by saying that I know I am going to piss some people off with my thoughts about this series and I will not be nice either. If you do not like my opinion, that is fine but if you give me crap about it on my blog or my Facebook page, then be prepared for what you get from me in return. 😀

This whole series was a HOT mess from beginning to end and on so many levels that I find myself wondering how in the hell a publishing company got past the first pages, let alone publish the dame thing. I am not even sure how I got through it without crying or ripping my hair out. It was that terrible and to quote a good friend of mine, “I lost some brain cells after reading that series” and I want them back damnit! I said that part but I am sure she would like hers back as well.

On that note, let’s start with the grammar, which was beyond awful and one of the reasons it took me so long to get through the series. Before I go any further on the grammar issue, I need to point out one thing to the author, UNDOES is NOT a word! She used this non-word constantly and it was all I could do not to scream. Here are some examples of the many, many times she uses this NON-WORD and then you tell me if you don’t want to pull your hair out. “His grin widens, and leaning down, he undoes the tie” and “Leaning forward, he slowly undoes one of my pigtails, his fingers freeing my hair”. There is more where that came from but I won’t bore you, just remember that the one NON-WORD is used over and over again in each of the books.

The author uses the NON-WORD a total of 35 times between the three books. It is not only bad writing but her editor apparently does not know proper grammar either and here I thought people went to college to become an editor. I guess they will hire anybody these days. Where grammar is concerned, that is just the tip of the iceberg but I don’t think I need to give any other ‘grammar’ examples because you got my point.

Well, now that I am done with the grammar portion of this seriously messed up series, how about we move on to the storyline, which was non-existent. This was nothing but badly written porn, and what plot that was there was ruined by the game Christian and Ana liked to play. Ana herself was a confusing person and did not want it really rough and one minute she liked the playroom and the next she did not. He told her that he was like a recovering alcoholic but she dangled that ‘playroom’ shit in his face. He won’t recover that way lady. I could have gotten into this story more had the author made Christian likeable, every time I started to soften toward him, the author had him reverting back to the Dom and I found myself rolling my eyes. In my opinion, she redeemed him a little too late, if at all.

The story about his upbringing could have been sadder and make me feel some sympathy for his character had the author not abandoned it every time she started to tell it. At the end of the day, it was all about sex, sex, sex and more sex. Kinky Fuckery, indeed! I know a couple folks who most likely had a few ‘flesh-quakes’ (is that even a word?) when reading this series. The reason I am writing this opinion piece on the hot mess that is ‘Fifty Shades’ is because I want my favorite actor, Alexander Skarsgård to stay as far away from this movie as he can get.

I hope his manager and agents are reading this because Alex can do so much better than this ’50 Shades of Crap’. He is more than a gorgeous face and way more than a sex symbol. The role of Christian Grey is so far beneath him and his acting is so much better than that. Alex, just say NO because you are far too talented to waste it on the crappy story that is Fifty Shades.

I am not a book burner but this book series definitely is not staying in my library to be read over and over again. I am glad it is in PDF form because all I have to do is drop it in the recycle bin where it belongs. It really is just garbage to me. I would not waste my money if it is made into a movie, NO MATTER WHO PLAYS THE CHARACTER. I just hope that it will not be Alexander Skarsgård, although if he should decide to make the movie, then I will respect his decision.

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About Nymerias

I am an avid book reader and when I am not writing for these2 two (now three) blogs that is what I am doing. I love Game of Thrones, Supernatural,Big Bang Theory, Criminal Minds, Blue Bloods, Outlander, Once Upon A Time, The Walking Dead, Fear The Walking Dead and many other shows. I am also a major hockey fan, especially my Detroit Red Wings! I also enjoy classic books and legal thrillers.
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9 Responses to Fifty Shades of ‘Crap’!

  1. Dom says:

    undo [ʌnˈduː]
    vb -does, -doing, -did, -done (mainly tr)
    1. (also intr) to untie, unwrap, or open or become untied, unwrapped, etc.
    2. to reverse the effects of
    3. to cause the downfall of
    4. Obsolete to explain or solve
    undoer  n
    Collins English Dictionary – Complete and Unabridged © HarperCollins Publishers 1991, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2003

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    • Nymerias says:

      I thought I had responded to this but I will do so now. Undo is a word yes and undoes is a verb of that word but in this book it was used in the wrong context. The correct verb to use would have been ‘undid’ not ‘undoes’ and either way it is used, it was overly used. I could have used a change up of the word or another word altogether, examples unbuttoned, unzipped, untied, loosened. Quite frankly ‘undoes’ was not attractive enough to make the sentence have spice and to heat it up. It was, in this instance a very poor grammar choice.

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  2. luvvamps says:

    You are so right. Alexander Skarsgård needs to stay away from that movie role.

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  3. LOL That was a great post! I couldn’t agree more. I will never pick-up this series and read it. You couldn’t pay me to! There’s SO many amazing titles out there that are outstanding than this crap. The Vampire Queen Series by Joey W. Hill is brilliant! I think you would love it! Now that series I’ll read over and over and over…I’m dying for book 9 to release as we speak. 😉
    DeAnna Schultz

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    • nymerias says:

      Thank you for the recommendation, I will have to check that out. Book nine, damn I need to catch up and fast. It would not be the first time I need to play catch up with a book series….lol! 😉

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  4. The thing that bugs me is it’s a complete rip of of “Story of O” which was bad to start with.

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  5. DarkPhoenyx says:

    I’ve read these books because of curiosity but for me it was like reading a poorly written fan fic…. and I hope none of my favorite actors are not consider for that role….. at least Hugh Jackman, Mark Ruffalo and Russell Crowe are out of consideration…. and I hope Alexander Skarsgård is not chosen either….. I’m so over these ladies who think they are authors just because they write some crappy story with ideas stolen from other books,,,,There’s this person in Facebook who has countless pages and swears she’s an author just because she wrote a crappy story about vampires, and to make it worse, one of his minions is emulating her too..,. Not everybody will achieve the success of Charlaine Harris, Anne Rice and even Stephenie Meyers….

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    • nymerias says:

      I agree, I want none of these actors to play the role of CG. If it will be made into a movie I hope they cast an unknown. I don’t think anyone can beat Harris, Rice or any other great author. Meyers does tell a good story but she is not of the same caliber as the other two mentioned and she does not write god-awful fanfiction/porn? Did you like my ‘flesh-quake’ comment? 😉

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